In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
