He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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