Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
