This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
