Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
