If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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