Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
and you said cock pushups were impossible
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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