I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
