her vagine was all disorganized.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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