Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
