my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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