Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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