I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
