I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
