You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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