Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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