Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
