i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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