we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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