and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
