Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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