when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
