Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
