What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
