Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We got so high we made milksteak
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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