i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
