I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
