guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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