great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
