I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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