I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize