Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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