3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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