How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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