look no pants
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
