It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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