WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
