A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
