Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
