before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
