I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
