so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
