why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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