I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
