Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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