i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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