i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
