do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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