"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
