So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
