i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
