i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
