It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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