im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
