I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
