he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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