I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My vagina is officially offended.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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