Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
