i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
