My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
