I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
