fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize