: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he puts the penis in happiness.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
