About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
