Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
