she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just threw up on my dentist
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
