why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
