she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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