i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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