Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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