smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
