and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
