I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
