Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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