the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize