based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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