I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
