dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
