Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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