so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
