a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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