dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
