party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
