I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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