White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
