Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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