Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
