so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
