i need an iv and a liver transplant
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
