is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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