listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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