i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
