it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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