it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
