It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
